Definitive Obstructions

Photo by Barry Gossage via Getty Images

Everyone knows they're favorite players strong points. They know how D-Wade loves to pull up for the mid-range jumper when guys are playing them too loose, just to keep them honest. They know all about how any time Dwight Howard catches a ball near the hoop there's the distinct possibility that the ball will be hitting the ground before he lets go of the rim. They know that regardless of how many people are on Kobe and how highly contested that turnaround-fall-away with three people on him is, he can still make it, and quite often does. It's those things that people pay attention to, the smooth offensive plays and unstoppable power jams that garner the most attention from the fans.

Most people don't realize, however, the limitations of the players they love so dearly. Oh sure, they know all about how Kobe has a tendency to shoot instead of pass, and they know plenty about how Dwight Howard has no business shooting outside of six feet from the basket. Who hasn't heard about how Dirk tends to shy away from contact? Anybody? Most people do realize these things. The not-so-subtle reminders from the players that they are flawed and that, a lot of the time, they don't fully recognize their limitations. For the die hard fans of a certain team, however, one finds out exactly what certain players can and can not do. The plays that the kind of fan who watches all 3936 minutes of the season, plus whatever overtime sessions happen to take place, starts groaning about as soon as they see it developing. The pet peeves that national broadcasters never mention and local broadcasters never bother to mention, for the most part. Considering the fact that I'm that type of fan for the Phoenix Suns, and the whole point of coming to this place is some sort of insight into the game that one wouldn't normally find elsewhere... let's make a list for some of the major players for the Suns.

Steve Nash
It's really hard to pick apart anything that Nash does that is so egregiously wrong from a basketball standpoint that one rips out hair from the roots... except for one nagging problem Nash displays. You won't catch it unless you tend to watch the game off-the-ball a lot, but it just so happens that the most annoying thing that Nash does happens exclusively off the ball. Sometimes you might watch the game and notice, "Hey, Nash doesn't play absolutely awful man to man defense like everyone says. Matter of fact, considering the fact that he's not actually very athletic, that's about as well as you could hope for him to play [insert point guard here]." But then you look at the box score and notice that Francisco Garcia had 31 points or Sasha Vujacic had 12 points in 14 minutes. If you watch those games, it's like "Hey, it doesn't look like Nash is playing bad defense!" until you watch him when those players don't have the ball in their hand. When the ball is on the opposite side of the court, Nash just kind of wanders off into the lane and sometimes, even worse, towards the perimeter in the middle. Now I know what you're thinking... "But Nash needs to be in the lane, he's our shot blocker, our intimidator!"

... Oh wait, he's not? Then why in the world does he wander off his man and let them get wide open shots? Not sure. He draws the occasional charge but, generally speaking, it's not in situations like that. It's on the break, or when the guy he's defending isn't a good shooter. So next time you watch a Suns game, agonize with me in unison as Nash plays eight seconds of excellent defense and then wanders away aimlessly like a 4th grader with ADD in a recreation league.

Raja Bell
What? Our beloved Raja has flaws? Sounds like nonsense, right? Okay... maybe not. But this is the one that sticks out in my mind the most, and every time it happens I nearly crumple into a heap and cry myself to sleep. (Okay, once again, maybe not. It's more of a "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" shouting sort of ordeal.) Raja Bell, bless his heart, thinks he can dribble. I'm not sure what gave him this idea, but he well and truly thinks he's an adept dribbler and will often careen several feet towards the lane for no apparent reason and with no plan in mind. Never mind that he's an outright poor finisher at the hoop and that he's not a good passer (minus entry passes), he's going to pump fake and dribble around for a little while. This is most evident in the open court because, if he gets a rebound, he's taking it all the way up court. Dribbling around his back and through defenders, commonly ending with a turnover as those adept at this "defense" thing I keep hearing about realize that he has no business doing so. Fearless as always, Raja remains undaunted as he dribbles to fifteen feet after a pump fake, goes to the opposite side of the court, backs up a little bit and gives the ball to Steve or Leandro. It gives me indigestion just thinking about it.

Grant Hill
We're still in the honeymoon phase of this free agency signing aren't we? Not quite? Allowed to start nagging? Well, oddly enough, Grant Hill is probably the hardest guy to see any amazing and outstandingly annoying things about, thus far. Maybe it's because he's only been playing for my team for less than 15 games, that's a distinct possibility, but the only thing about Grant's game that I'm really having a hard time dealing with is that he's on the floor almost as much as Manu Ginobili. (But for different reasons usually.) If he attached one of the mop things to the back of his jersey he could help out the kids on both sides of the court quite a bit, they would barely have to go out there to clean up wet spots. I mean, I love that he goes to the basket fearlessly, that's really the best thing about his game... but I think 19 is a bit too young to be developing heart problems because every time you hit the floor my chest stops working for a second. As a key acquisition with serious injury problems, I have a hard time dealing with the fact that no less than nine times a game I think you may have gotten injured, based on the fact that you just fell down at rather accelerated speeds.

While I'm on the subject: Grant Hill is a very good defender, better than advertised for sure. I didn't realize it in the Orlando days, because... well... he was gimpy. Not so gimpy any more though! Gotta love the Phoenix training staff.

Shawn Marion
Shawn is the one that spawned the idea to write this article. Shawn's game is, as always, unique... The one facet of his game that you can always be sure of is that you will never have any idea what in the world he is doing. In fact, you may not always know where he even is while he's in the game. (Which is how he scores quite a few of his points, I'll note.) The one thing that you can always rely on with Shawn? The two dribble rule. Shawn gets two dribbles. If Shawn dribbles more than twice in any half court play, it's not going to end well. Pay close attention, any time he doesn't dribble or dribbles once, it's a high percentage shot. Any time he dribbles twice, there's a good chance that he's going to throw up a 15 foot floater of some sort. Any time he dribbles three times or more, the play ends in a bad shot. A good example would be when Shawn Marion got posted up against the Warriors, I believe it was against Kelenna Azubuike. He got the entry pass, dribbled, tried to create space, dribbled, tried to create space, dribbled... dribbled... threw up a jump hook which had literally zero chance of going in. Or perhaps Shawn will give a fake, get his man in the air... two dribbles, someone steps in front of him, so instead of taking off and going for the foul, he'll cross over a couple times and either take a semi-fade-away from 16-18 feet out or pass the ball out to one of the guards (for aforementioned reasons, hopefully not Raja) and the entire possession's momentum is killed.

That's why I'm hoping D'Antoni reads this and forces Shawn to abide by the two dribble rule. Make it the Two Dribble Law, Mike!

Amare Stoudemire
Foul trouble. That's it. Stop hitting people, Amare. Especially when the Suns have the ball. This isn't really a little known fact or anything, but it's the most frustrating thing about watching the Suns. Watching Amare invariably get a foul or two in the first three minutes is almost enough to reduce the entire city of Phoenix to tears.

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That's it for the starting line up. I'll probably end up doing the key contributors off the bench in the future (Namely, Leandro and Boris. Haven't seen enough of Brian Skinner or whoever else is rotting on the bench to really be able to develop pet peeves for them... but I can always make assumptions based on small sample size. Might be the best way to get a job for ESPN or something, come to think of it...

Agree with me? Disagree with me? Thinking of things that I missed? Inebriated and seeking something to do with your time that is generally unproductive? Shoot me an email or leave a comment!